Every person on the planet is precious to us. It is our desire that each member of every family be taught how to grow in the knowledge of our God and how to grow safely in this world.
Here are some common-sense safety tips that will benefit everyone.
What You Should Teach Your Children
Things That Parents Should Know
How To Prevent The Sexual Abuse Of Your Child
Additional Steps Parents Can Take
How To Handle Bribes And Gifts
Dealing With Secrets And Surprises
Teaching Your Child When It is OK To Say "NO"
Crime Prevention For Senior Citizens
Using The Internet In Your Home Away From Home In Your Car
In And Around Public Transportation In The Office
UNDERSTANDING VICTIMS STAGES OF ADJUSTMENT*
FOR OUR CHILDREN
Teach Your Children The Following:
1. Their full names, address and phone numbers.
2. How to make a long distance call (both directly to you using the area code and by dialing "O" for the operator).
3. Never to go into anyone's house they do not know.
4. If they become separated from you while shopping, not to look for you, but to go to the nearest checkout counter and ask the clerk (1) if he or she works there, and (2) for assistance. Never go to the parking lot.
5. To walk with and play with others. The child is most vulnerable when alone. If our child walks to school, have him / her walk with other children.
6. That adults do not usually ask children for directions. If someone should stop in a car asking for directions, the child should not go near the car.
7. If someone is following them, they should go to a place here there are other people, to a neighbors home or into a store. They should ask for help. They should not try to hide behind bushes.
8. Never to go near a car with someone in it; never to get into a car without your permission. They should know in whose car they are allowed to ride. Warn your children that someone might try to lure them into a car by saying you said to pick them up. Tell them never to obey such instructions.
9. That a stranger is someone they, and you, don't know very well.
10. Never to tell anyone over the phone that they are home alone.
11. Never to answer the door when home alone. Teach your children how to call 911. Make sure that they know a neighbor they can call if someone tries to get into the house or if there is an emergency.
12. To tell you if any adult asks them to keep a "secret".
13. That no one has the right to touch them or make them feel uncomfortable. They have the right to say "no''.
14. To tell you if someone offers them gifts or money or wants to lake their picture.
15. To yell HELP, not just scream.
· Avoid hurting someone's feelings with e-mail.
Sometimes, online, people can't tell that you are joking. When you write an e-mail message, make sure the person you're sending it to will know whether you are happy, sad, angry, joking, etc. You can do this by using smileys, such as :).
· Respect other people's online rights.
People on the Internet have rights just as they do in everyday life. If someone sends you a threatening letter, or makes crank phone calls to your house, it can be annoying and sometimes very scary. The same is true on the Internet. If someone sends you e-mail which threatens you or makes you feel uncomfortable, talk to a parent or other adult right away.
· Avoid insulting someone unless you want to start a flame war.
A flame war is when angry people try to punish each other with e-mail. Sometimes this can be done by sending so many messages that a mailbox gets jammed, and sometimes this is done by sending a few very nasty messages meant to hurt someone's feelings. If you insult someone with e-mail, they will probably get angry just as they would if you insulted them face to face.
· If someone insults you, be calm.
Starting a flame war is serious business on the Net. Even if you are angry with someone, you don't need to take things any further. Try being calm, ignoring the message, or sending a polite message asking for them to explain what they meant. It may have been a misunderstanding.
· Avoid "crashing" discussion groups or forums.
People on the Net frequently get together online to talk about things they may have in common. This can be done on a listserv, a bulletin board, a chat group, etc. If you join the discussion just for the fun of "crashing" it, or ruining it, people will definitely get angry.
· Respect the privacy of other people.
If someone tells you something secret, it should be kept secret. This includes passwords, full names, addresses, or interests. Sharing your own password with someone else, even someone you like, is never a good idea. Passwords and personal information are private, and are never safe to share with others.
· Be responsible online.
When you are at the computer, you are in control. Avoid using the computer to harm other people. Taking things which are not yours (such as files, passwords, or credit card numbers), spreading rumors about other people online, and infecting other computers with viruses (on purpose) are examples of harming other people online.
· Help other people learn more about the Net.
Chances are someone else taught you a lot of what you know about the Internet. The Net is growing quickly, and it's difficult to keep up. Other kids, or even your parents and teachers, may need help understanding what it's all about. Try to help them if you can. Who knows? They might show you a thing or two someday!
**Please Note: Netiquette for Kids Page Courtesy of the Boston Public Library
Online predators are out there!!!
They can infect your computer with viruses, they want to steal your personal information and possibly your identity, and they may even want to harm the people who use your computer. Here is a list of helpful tips and reminders that can be used to help recognize these potentially hazardous situations and how to respond appropriately.
Tips for Parents
· Have the family computer in an open area never in your child's bedroom.
· Become a part of your child's online experience. It can be a fun journey to explore the wonders of the Internet as a family. As computer-savvy as kids and teens are today, they may even teach you a thing or two!
· Respect your child's privacy. Rather than policing your child's online behavior, keep the lines of communication open with your child. Let them know that you are their teammate and they can come to you if they ever find themselves in uncomfortable situations.
· Learn about the Internet. The more you know about how the Internet works, the more you can be informed about how online predators work and what you can do to stop them.
Tips for Students
· Only give out identifying information when you trust the site and know that it is secure (look for the lock in the lower right corner). This is stuff like your name, address, & phone number.
· Try not to panic if you see an inappropriate website. Simply exit the window (click X in the top corner), Control-Alt-Delete, or turn off the computer.
· Do not agree to meet someone who you have met online but you don't know in real life.
· Only open emails from people you do know and not when they contain weird attachments.
· Only use credit cards online with your parents permission.
· Have fun! The Internet is a great tool that is used for many wonderful things. Just like any community, there are areas on the Internet where you can find yourself in compromising situations. A little bit of street smarts on the Information highway will help make your Internet experience fun, rewarding, and safe!
1. Know your children's friends.
2. Never leave children unattended: never leave children alone in a car.
3. Be involved in your children's activities.
4. Listen when your child tells you they do not want to be with someone: there may be a reason you should know about.
5. Notice when someone shows your child a great deal or attention and find out why.
6. Have your child's fingerprints taken. Know where to locate dental records.
7. Be sensitive to changes in your child's behavior or attitudes. Encourage open communication. Never belittle any fear or concern your child may express to you.
8. Take a photograph of your child each year. (Four times a year for children under age 2).
9. Have a set plan with your child outlining what they should do if you become separated away from home.
10. Do not buy items that have your child's name on them such as hats, jackets, and t-shirts. An abductor could start up a friendly conversation with your child after reading the child's name.
11. Make a game of reading license plate numbers and remembering their colors. This will help children recognize the numbers and letters on license plates and their states of origin.
HOW TO PREVENT THE SEXUAL ABUSE
OF YOUR CHILD
Dr. Rolland Summit, a nationally recognized expert on the sexual exploitation of children, offers the following tips on ways to prevent, spot and deal with the sexual abuse of your child.
1. Talk to your children. Teach 3-5 year-olds about their body and their right to protect it.
2. Respect your child's body. Don't tickle beyond the point they enjoy it. Don't grab children without their permission.
3. As difficult as it may be, explain that some adults are selfish and not well, and that they have an unnatural interest in children's bodies.
4. Teach them to say ''No'' if sexually approached and to tell mom and Dad immediately.
5. Teach your child the difference between keeping good secrets and bad secrets (the hiding of feelings and events that don't feel quite right).
6. Maintain a solid, caring relationship at home will make children less vulnerable.
7. Be sure your child is well supervised. Don't leave your child in the care of an adult whom you don't know much about, even if that person SEEMS highly respectable.
Dr. Summit notes that warning signs are never absolute. It's possible for a child to manifest no signs at all, or to be signaling an alarm for reasons other than sexual abuse.
1. Watch for signs of dependency, extreme clinging or the desire to spend more time with older individuals.
2. Extreme secrecy about how they are is spending their time.
3. Nightmares, change in appetite, abdominal pains.
3. Escape in psychological terms - drug abuse, alcoholism.
4. Extreme daydreaming.
5. A strong sexual approach to others (i.e. touching, rubbing bodies).
6. Indirect statements such as "Do grown-ups ever mess around with little kids?'' or "Have you ever heard of a big person who does funny things to a little person?".
Don't disbelieve or brush away warning signs.
If your child indicates that they have been molested, encourage them to talk. Ask follow-up questions. Never say, ''I'm sure he didn't mean to do that' or "Certainly he wouldn't do anything like that' or "You must have imagined it". Responding with a statement like, "If you had come straight home from school, that would not have happened", can be especially damaging
ADDITIONAL STEPS TO TAKE
Parents and guardians have the right to screen babysitters to determine how responsible they are. Speaking to other parents is often a good way to seek information about a prospective sitter. Eliminating boy sitters is not always the answer. The quality of the person is the important issue.
Parent should prepare the child for a new sitter and not just say "Now mind the babysitter". Instead, tell the child to obey the rules of the house and address possible requests made by the sitter which may not be appropriate. Examples might be doing something under threat or doing something when offered a special treat.
The caretaker should also be told that the children do not keep secrets and will tell if something goes wrong. The sitter should understand the house rules and that the children have the right to say "NO'' if they do not understand a request.
Parents should follow up with both child and sitter to determine how they feel about each other.
Children must have appropriate words to describe actions and body parts. Parents and children should have a common understanding of terminology when discussing issues. Lacking the words to talk about anatomy makes it difficult for children to tell someone that they have been touched in those areas, and feeling comfortable with words may help to insure that they will seek help if necessary. Actual anatomical words should be taught. The words "private parts'' may be used providing there is a clear understanding between parent and child about which specific area this refers to.
It is also important to educate children about the difference between sexual assault and sex. Assaults can be discussed with no reference to sexuality. It can be explained that sometimes nice things can be unpleasant or mean if they are not wanted, such as when someone tickles when it is unwanted.
How To Handle Bribes And Gifts
When the concept of force is being discussed with a child, a differentiation must be made between BRIBES and GIFTS. Explain to the child that sometimes even "nice" people will try to bribe children into doing something they do not want to do. Bribes are given to get a person to do something he/she is not supposed to do, or might not want to do. Bribes usually must be kept a secret, and the other person expects something in return. Gifts are things given to the child with no expectation of something in return. Bribes are "bad'' and gifts are "good".
How to Deal With Secrets And Surprises
Secrets are a powerful force used against children. In some families, secrets are only kept between children of the same ages and never between children and adults. Secrets are things which are always to be secret and are different from surprises. Surprises are nice things which are eventually meant to be shared. For example, presents for people are surprises and not secrets. It is important that children not be taught that secrets are a way of getting something in return, even in matters that seem harmless.
Teaching Children How And When To Say "NO"
There are times when children have the right to say "no". However, saying "no'' for a child can sometimes be very difficult. Allowing them to use family rules is sometimes helpful, for example, "I can't do that because my mom told me not to.'' Older children can be helped to develop the idea that they have the right to be angry if someone tries to coerce them into doing something they do not want to do.
1. No one has the right to touch my body if I don't want them to.
2. I will always tell Mom or Dad if someone bothers me. No one has the right to make me feel uncomfortable by touching me or staring at me.
3. I won't go away with anyone unless I ask my parents. I will always let them know where I will be playing.
4. I will not play in or near public restrooms. I will not use them if I am alone.
5. When walking or playing, I will stay with my friends. I will never walk or play in lonely places.
6. I will be stay away from any stranger who hangs around parks, playgrounds, or other places children play. I will tell someone about it.
7. I will not take candy, gum, ice cream, gifts or money from ANYONE without my parent's permission.
8. I will refuse rides offered to me, even if they say my mother sent them. If someone asks directions, I will not go along to show the way.
9. If someone tries to get me into their car or van, I will run away from them, and try to remember what the car or van looked like, or the license number. The most important thing is to get away.
10. I will always carry fifty cents with me whenever I go anywhere, especially when I go out with my friends and my parents are not with me.
11. I will tell my Mom or Dad if another adult wants me to keep a secret.
12. I will not go into anyone's house, garage or back yard without asking my parents or sitter.
13. When I go out selling anything, or "trick or treating", I will never go alone.
14. I will not open the door when Mom or Dad are not at home.
15. If the phone rings, and I am alone, I'll say that "my Mom can't talk now, call back later". I will not say I'm alone.
16. I will never give out my name or address to anyone on the telephone.
17. I will always go straight home from school.
18. I will remember not to wear jackets, tops or anything with my name on it in public.
19. I will just write my name and school name on I.D. tags, never my home address or phone number.
20. I will remember to call my Mom or Dad, or someone I trust, if ANYONE makes me feel uncomfortable by touching, hugging or staring at me.
Senior Citizens who are lonely and concerned about their "fixed" income make good targets for being conned so make sure you do the following:
1. Keep cash on hand to a minimum. Make frequent bank deposits, but at the same time or day of the week. Make them on different days and at different times. Go directly to the bank preferably with another person during daytime hours only.
2. It is best to use direct deposit.
3. When you go shopping do not flash large sums of money.
4. Purses that hang from a shoulder are too easy to grab. If you loop them around your wrist, you may be hurt when they grab them. Usually they will try to knock you down and knock your glasses off so you cannot identify them.
5. Purses should be carried close to your body with short loop handles
6. Do not keep all your valuables in your purse. Let go of your purse if it is grabbed. Your life is worth more than the contents of your purse - and old bones are slower to heal - it is much easier to replace the contents or your purse.
7. Tape the phone number of police, fire department, and your doctor on your telephone in case of emergency.
8. If you are the type or person who "freezes up'' when afraid, tape your name and address on the phone so you can read it to the police.
When doing business with those you do not know personally remember to:
1. Check to see if the business is recommended by the Better Business Bureau. If they say they "happened to be in your neighborhood" or they "have material left over from another job, BEWARE. There really is NOTHING FOR FREE!
2. Check their credentials. Remember older eyes aren't as fast as they used to be. Take your time and read or look at their "official credentials'.
3. Never discuss your personal finances will strangers or casual acquaintances.
4. Seek advice before you invest. If the deal sounds "too good to be true" it usually is. If the deal is legitimate it WILL BE THERE TOMORROW. WAIT, don't rush into any deal that will take away your life savings.
5. If you are victimized don't let shame stop you from reporting it to the police immediately. You could prevent it from happening to someone else or possibly recover your losses.
6. Don't be embarrassed. It does happen to old and young alike. Be willing to testify in court. We must help our police stop this type of crime. It is not easy, but important things usually are not easy, so please report any crime to the police.
Crime prevention is everybody's business. It's not just a job for law enforcement. Common-sense measures--like locking a door, joining Neighborhood Watch, going to the bank with a friend--can help prevent crime. Many older men and women fear crime even though, statistically, their risk of being victimized is low.
Seniors are more vulnerable to certain crimes--purse snatching, mugging, and fraud. But you can reduce opportunities for criminals to strike by being careful, alert and a good neighbor.
When Driving
Always lock your car doors. Never leave keys in the ignition when you leave the car, even for a few minutes.
When you drive, keep the doors locked and windows up. Park in well-lighted, busy areas.
Don't leave packages or other tempting articles in view in a locked car. Lock them in the trunk.
Never, never pick up hitchhikers.
If you have car problems, be especially wary of strangers who offer help. Stay in the car and ask them to call a service truck and law enforcement.
On the Bus or Trolley
Use busy, well lighted stops.
Don't fall asleep. Stay alert!
Watch who gets on or off the bus or trolley with you. If you feel uneasy, walk directly to a place where there are other people.
When using the bus or other public transportation, sit near the driver if possible.
When You're at Home
Use deadbolt locks on all exterior doors. Keep your doors locked at all times, even when you're inside.
Protect windows and sliding glass doors with good locks or other security devices.
Never let strangers in your home without checking their identification. Call their company if you're not sure. Install a peep-hole viewer in your door and use it.
Use only your first initial in phone books, directories and apartment lobbies. If you live alone, don't advertise it.
Be sensible about keys. Don't put an address tag on your key ring, and don't hide an extra key under a doormat or flower pot.
Hang up immediately on harassing or obscene phone calls. If the caller persists, call law enforcement and the phone company.
Engrave your valuables with a unique identification number recommended by the Crime Prevention Unit.
Keep bonds, stock certificates, seldom worn jewelry, and stamp and coin collections in a safe deposit box.
For an extra measure of protection, don't keep large amounts of cash at home.
Use Direct Deposit for Social Security or pension checks.
Keep emergency numbers for police.
When Your Out And About
Go with a friend whenever possible.
Stay alert and tuned into your surroundings. Don't daydream.
Try to walk in a confident, relaxed manner. Make brief eye contact with approaching strangers.
Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable in a place or situation, leave.
Try carrying a small change purse with only the money or credit cards that you need, instead of a large handbag with straps. Keep your wallet in an inside jacket or front pants pocket.
Don't burden yourself with packages.
Walk on well-lighted busy streets. Stay away from vacant lots, alleys, or construction sites. Avoid dark deserted routes, even if they're the shortest.
Don't flash cash and other tempting targets such as expensive jewelry.
Make sure someone knows where you're going and when you expect to return.
Carry change for emergency telephone and transportation use.
If a friend or a taxi takes you home, ask the driver to wait until you are safely inside.
Have your car or house key in hand as you approach your vehicle your home.
Awareness Pays Dividends
Con games and swindles are crimes over which people have total control. The keys to prevention are alertness to any offer involving money or property that "sounds too good to be true," awareness about the most common con games, and cooperation with law enforcement.
If it does happen, report it. It's embarrassing to be the victim of a con game. But the only way to expose the con artist and prevent others from being hurt in the same way is to tell the police.
For Your Own Protection
Be suspicious of anyone who offers you a chance for quick and easy wealth.
Be wary of exaggerated claims for health and medical products, such as cures for cancer or arthritis, hair restorers, quick weight loss. Before buying any cure-alls, check with your doctor, pharmacist, or clinic.
Don't give any details about your credit cards to phone solicitors even if they offer you gifts, a free vacation, or a sweepstakes prize.
Check out any "work-at-home" schemes with your local or state consumer protection agency.
Don't give credit cards, checkbooks savings account passbooks to your housekeeper or caretaker.
Don't make an employee a joint owner of your bank account or your property.
Never make cash transactions in secret. Discuss any large transaction with your banker.
What To Do If You Are Assaulted.
If the attacker is only after your purse or other valuables, don't resist. Your life and safety are worth more than your possessions.
Make a conscious effort to get an accurate description of the attacker and call the police or sheriff immediately.
Contact your local victim assistance agency to help you deal with the trauma that all crime victims experience. They can help you learn more about counseling, victim compensation laws and how to follow your case's progress.
Start a crime prevention program in your building or neighborhood.
Be sure you lock your doors during the day, even if you are home, or if you only leave for a few minutes.
Never open the door automatically after a knock. Require identification; this includes repair and delivery people and law enforcement officers. Use at least a 180 degree peep-hole.
When strangers ask to use your phone, do not permit them to enter. Offer to summon emergency assistance or make the call for them.
If a window or door has been forced or broken while you were absent, DO NOT ENTER OR CALL OUT. Use a neighbor's phone immediately to call 91l and wait outside until law enforcement arrives.
If you receive an obscene telephone call, hang up immediately and notify law enforcement. If the calls persist, also call the telephone company. The obscene caller can be criminally charged.
Always close and lock garage doors before you drive away.
When you return home, do not leave your house key in your door, even for a minute, after you open it. Never put your keys and pocketbook down just inside the open door while carrying packages inside.
If someone is prowling outside your home, make him think that several people are at home. Call out, "Dear, there's someone outside." Call law enforcement. If it is dark, make sure that lights are on in several rooms.
(Very few burglars will enter a home when they believe that people are there. Should you confront one,however, the rule is: STAY OUT OF THE WAY. NEVER GET BETWEEN A BURGLAR AND THE EXIT, AND NEVER TRY TO STOP THEM FROM LEAVING.)
Always be alert to your surroundings and the people around you.
Walk confidently and at a steady pace.
Make eye contact with people when walking.
Whenever possible, travel with a friend.
Stay in well-lighted areas as much as possible. Avoid doorways, bushes and alleys where someone could hide.
If you carry a purse, your personal safety might depend on not clinging to it. Although a purse snatcher's intent is to steal the purse, the grabbing and shoving that may take place may result in your being injured.
Carry a shoulder bag securely between your arm and your body. Carry a clutch bag unsnapped and upside down between your arm and your body with the wallet in a zippered compartment. If someone attempts to steal your purse, loosen your grip thus allowing the contents to fall to the ground.
Do not respond to conversation from strangers on the street continue walking.
Always lock car doors after entering or leaving your car.
Park in well-lighted areas.
Have your car keys in hand so you don't have to linger before entering your car.
Check the back seat before entering your car.
If you think you are being followed, drive to a well-lit public place.
If your car breaks down, open the hood and attach a white cloth to the car antenna. If someone stops to help, stay in your locked car and ask them to call law enforcement or a garage.
Don't stop to aid disabled motorists. Go to a phone and request help for them.
When being driven home, request the driver to wait until you are inside.
In And Around Public Transportation
Try to avoid isolated bus stops.
Stand away from the curb until the bus, train, trolley, or other public transportation arrives.
Don't open your purse or wallet while boarding the bus, have your pass or money easily accessible.
Don't invite trouble - keep gold chains out of sight, don't flash your jewelry and turn your rings around so the stones don't show.
During off-hours, ride as near to the driver as possible.
Stay alert and be aware of the people around you.
If someone bothers you, change seats and/or tell the driver.
Carry your wallet inside your coat or in a front pocket. A comb, placed horizontally in the fold of your wallet, will alert you if someone tries to remove it from your pocket.
Keep your handbag in front of you and hold it close to your body with: both hands.
Check your purse or wallet if some one is jostling, crowding or pushing you.
Never leave your purse or billfold in plain view or in the pocket of a jacket hanging on a door.
Personal property should be marked with your driver's license number.
Don't leave cash or valuables at the office.
If you are in an elevator with another person, stand near the control panel. If attacked, press the alarm and as many of the control buttons as possible.
Be alert to pick-pockets on crowded elevators.
If you work alone or before/after normal business hours, keep the office door locked.
Report all suspicious persons and activities to the proper authorities.(Office manager, building security, law enforcement).
Be aware of escape routes for emergencies and post the emergency number (9-1-1) near telephones.
Each person going through a crisis of any kind progresses through stages of emotional adjustment. A victim may spend a great deal of time in one stage and only touch lightly on another, or may pass through a number of the stages over and over again, each time experiencing them with a different intensity. Furthermore, anyone close to the victim may experience these stages as well.
SHOCK: "I'm numb."
Offering information to the Victim during this stage is not helpful as she will most likely remember very little, if anything, about what occurs during this time.
DENIAL: "This can't be happening''
Not yet able to face the severity of the crisis, the victim spends time during this stage gathering strength. The period of denial serves as a cushion for the more difficult stages of adjustment which follow.
ANGER: "What did I do? Why me?''
Much of the anger may be a result of the victim's feelings of loss of strength and loss of control over her own life. The anger may be directed toward the rapist, a doctor, the police, or anyone else, including herself.
BARGAINING: "Let's go on as if it didn't happen.''
The victim sets up a bargain: She will not talk about the rape in exchange for not having to continue to experience the pain. In so doing, she continues to deny the emotional impact the rape has had upon her life.
DEPRESSION: "I feel so dirty-so worthless."
If the victim is warned of this stage ahead of time,. she may not be so thrown by it. She may experience drastic challenges in sleeping or eating habits, the indulging in compulsive rituals, or generalized fears completely taking over her life. Professional counseling may be advisable. Though a painful time for her, this stage shows she has begun to face the reality of the rape. As she allows the negative emotions to surface, she should be reminded that these feelings are normal and will not last forever.
ACCEPTANCE: "Life can go on."
When enough of the anger and depression is released, the victim enters the stage of acceptance. She may still spend time thinking and talking about the rape, but she understands and is in control of her own emotions and can now accept what has happened to her.
ASSIMILATION: "It's part of my life."
By the time the victim reaches this stage, she has realized her own self-worth and strength. She no longer needs to spend time dealing with the rape, as the total rape experience now meshes with other experiences in her life.
*Adapted from "Raped", by Deborah Roberts. Zondervan Publishing House. 1981 P. 157-159
(REMEMBER: IF A CRIME DOES OCCUR, REPORT IT!!)
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